The Heartbreak Kid (2007)

I remember when this movie first came out. I was 15 when I first saw it and thought it was cute and romantic and thought nothing more of it.

Now, as a 26-year-old man sipping on diet coke and Irish whiskey, my eyes have been opened. Whether it’s the alcohol or the fact that I’ve aged or maybe even a mixture of the two, I have no idea. All I know is this movie is nothing more than what I’ve described: a way to kill two hours.

My biggest problem with this movie isn’t the fact that he falls in love with a woman after two days of knowing her. Or even the fact that they casually treat spousal rape as a joke when Eddie is LITERALLY in the fetal position on their honeymoon. It’s that Ben Stiller’s character in this is a total piece of garbage.

I remember when I first saw this movie, I thought, “Oh, he’s just going after the woman he loves,” when in actuality, he is screwing around on his wife with a woman that he met ON HIS HONEYMOON. I get that Malin Akerman’s character is a real piece of work, but that is far and away from an excuse to cheat on her and start dating a woman you met ON YOUR HONEYMOON. DUDE. It’s not a car dealership!! You can’t just be like, “Oh, I test drove this one and didn’t like it. Lemme get another!!”

And what’s even worse is he repeats the cycle by the end of the movie. I won’t go into too many details. Not because I’m afraid that I’ll spoil the movie (it’s been out since 2007. Everyone who was going to see it probably already has ((Except my girlfriend, who I’ll likely force to watch this with me so she can relive the pain I faced while seeing this again. Also, did I just do a double parenthesis? Yes. Yes I did) )) but because I don’t want to relive the horror.

Rating: 3/10

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